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Tangled Secrets

Getting my hair cut is one of those things I’m always too lazy to get done. I’d like to say I get it done every three months but the reality is I think about it three months after my last haircut and then finally make it into the salon another three months later. My three-months-turned-into-six-months recently came and I walked into a random (yet bustling) salon one afternoon. 

Now call me conceited but when I pay for a service, I expect to get exactly that – SERVICE. Instead I sat at a seat and was shoved and pulled to the hairdressers liking because apparently asking me to move this way or that was out of the question. Speaking to me seemed to be out of the question completely as any of my attempts for small talk was ignored. I’d like to say that the hairdresser simply wasn’t the talking type but we all know that that’s impossible.

She did like to talk to her other colleague though! The one standing next to her cutting someone elses hair. They managed to discuss how they couldn’t discuss who they invited to an upcoming dinner because it was a secret. A secret so secret it was worth mentioning in public. This was followed by a little workplace gossip that suddenly escalated to non-stop bitching about their boss. THEIR BOSS who was frantically walking up and down the salon trying to get his job done.

It appears I forgot to read the disclaimer as I entered the salon. “Expect rudeness and bitchiness because you’re not paying to be one of our customers. You’re paying to be a means for us to kill time.”

Rule for Humanity: I can’t believe I have to actually spell it out for these rude aliens who try to be human – but ignoring is not cool. NOT. COOL.

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The Wicked Bitch of the West

My recent journey to work via public transport brought me face to face with the Wicked Bitch of the West. The supposed mythical character that only seemed to appear in exaggerated stories told by others and fuelled by anger actually existed! And she was on my train this morning!

I entered the carriage and took the most appropriate seat. I typically ask myself a couple of questions before picking a seat.

Are there any free seats? No? How about three seaters with a space? No? Well two seater it is. Is there one with a seemingly skinny person so it doesn’t become too uncomfortable while our thighs rub? Bingo! The Bitch!

I firstly sat down and accidentally sat on the side of her Prada bag. (Seriously. She’s heading towards the city from the west with a Prada bag!) She rudely snatched it from near me which I thought nothing of. Heaven forbid contact with my regular discount store jeans come in contact with such a prestigious yet horrendously ugly bag!

At this point, Miss Bitch (I’m assuming she’s single because quite frankly I don’t know what relationship she can sustain other than that with her bag. Is that why she was so protective?) Yells into her phone to the very unfortunate person on the other end “F**k my life! Are you kidding me?! No. I’m not talking to you”.

I can see her glaring at me from the corner of my eye. She’s obviously talking to me.

Upon ending her phone conversation,  she looked at me (I’m looking at my novel) “surely there’s another seat?!”

To which I responded by ignoring her, turning the page of my novel and chuckling at a supposedly funny scene.

Sorry Wicked Bitch of the West. This is a public train. PUBLIC. No, there aren’t any other seats. You’re on a public train. People will sit next to you. If you’re so concerned about who sits next to you on your way to work, dust off that witch’s broom of yours and fly there!

Rules for Humanity: if you’re seriously concerned about who you will encounter on a train, invest in your own transportation. It’s public for a reason!

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I can’t Tate it anymore!

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I’m not big on museums and galleries. I probably pop into one twice a year or so. During my current tour of London I thought it was time to revisit art and visit the Tate.

You would think a place made for the ‘smarter’ of humanity to unite in a shared interest would call for proper behaviour – particularly in the Queen’s country!

I was mistaken. 

Whilst viewing artworks, people would stand infront of, shove you, stick their hands in your line of vision and jabber away about crap, ruining the art experience!

Now I don’t want to take the fun out of viewing art, but stand to the side and form a neat arch around the artwork! Do you want a closer look? Wait for the crowd to clear! Need to take a phone call or chatter about nonsense?  You walked in through a door – now walk out!

Rule for humanity: Share art!

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Please explain!

Not many things frustrate me. I’m usually the type that can turn a blind eye and move on from small potentially annoying things. But visiting a local cafe recently got me thinking…what do cafes do that simply piss us off?

#1: Napkins UNDER food:

The logic behind this baffles me. Simply because there isn’t any. What use is a napkin to me if it’s under my sandwich already dirty from crumbs and sauce?!

#2: Intact prawn tails:

Now unless it’s a prawn cocktail, leaving the tail of the prawn intact is the post pointless thing! What role does it play, except for giving us sticky fingers as we dish them out of our food to remove the tails then feel awkard returning it into a dish so instead we eat it alone? i.e. Prawns on Pizzas, Prawns in pasta or a prawn hot pot. Infuriating!

#3: Ridiculous prices for extras:

$3 for an extra rasher of bacon atThe Coffee Shop. $3. 1 piece of bacon. Enough said.

Rules for Humanity: If you’re doing any of the above, I have no rules for you. You’re making my faith in humanity  diminish.

 

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Gatsby’s Rules for Humanity

I’d like to say it’s time I joined the Gatsby Hype but the truth is, I joined it many months ago! I’m not ashamed to admit that a countdown timer was placed in my phone from the moment the movie release date was announcImageed! I even read the book twice in the space of 6 months! Gatsby has been the topic of many debates and discussions in my home and amongst friends so it’s only natural I write about what I think Gatsby teaches us about the Rules for Humanity. A discussion that could go on for a while, here are a couple of short and sweet rules:

 

Selflessness

Jay Gatsby is most likely one of the most selfless literary characters I’ve ever met. Whilst his intentions were somewhat selfish (wanting to get Daisy), he was still willing to selflessly host a myriad of parties providing an abundance of food, alcohol and entertainment! He didn’t care who came and who didn’t.

 

Now I’m not saying that we should all be filthy rich and throw our money into anything and everything, but the ability of being selfless should be a human necessity. If there’s one thing people hate, it’s a selfish, self-centred and conceited individual. Doing someone a favour, random acts of kindness, sharing and giving some of your time are ways that we can act in Gatsby’s spirit.

 

Don’t be  a terrible friend!

For such a short book, Fitzgerald has definitely jam-packed the 120 or so pages with a crazy amount of morals, themes and intricate characters! But one thing always stands out for me. Friends can be terrible. Don’t be!

 

Gatsby in his selfless way catered to thousands of people! Whilst I will admit not all of them knew him personally, some did. Despite this, no one turned up to his funeral. An image that always brings me to tears, I can’t help but think Fitzgerald is warning his readers of the perils of friendship. Some are true and some are only using you.

 

Take this as a life lesson and don’t be a terrible friend! Now I’m not going to guide you on HOW to be a good friend because my expectations differ to those of others. But don’t be a terrible friend! It’s all about being grateful and appreciative for what others around you have to offer to your life.

Rule for Humanity: Don’t be a selfish idiot and appreciate those that contribute to your life.

What has The Great Gatsby taught you?

 

 

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The case of Gertrude

 
“Thanks for calling _____. You’re speaking with Rosette. No, my name is not Rose or Rosie. It isn’t Roseanne or Annette either. But I understand your mistake there.
 
 It definitely isn’t Therese but I doubt you’ll listen to me when I say that as I’m guaranteed to be called Therese 5 times a shift.
 
I definitely  AM NOT Greg. Last time I checked, I was all female. I swear!
 
Gertrude?! You’re calling me Gertrude?!
 
…I may just hang up now!”
 
Customers . A word that makes the Earth tremble and thunder sound!
 
Please, enlighten me! How does one get Gertrude from Rosette?!
 
I would have thought the first point of courtesy is getting someone’s name right. A small error can be forgiven on even the worst of days but some names simply don’t leave room for anger, only wonder, a little eye rolling and possibly exasperated sighs.
 
What I want to know is what will happen when a complaint is made against Therese? Or Greg? Or my beloved Gertrude?
 
Rule for Humanity: Get your act together Humanity! Pay Attention!

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A shout out to Miss STI

The line between private and public seems to be an obvious one. Private. No one except intimate peers. Public. Everyone else. Simple, right? So I simply can’t understand how people can have such obviously private conversations on public transport!

 

I’d like to offer a shout out to Miss STI. The lovely lady that provided much amusement by airing her dirty laundry on a public train! Her little secret is safe – with the 20 or so commuters (and strangers) on her carriage. I’d imagine there’s nothing worse than getting over an STI but all is well as one has the support of many CityRail commuters.

 

Nowhere near a whispered conversation, my fellow commuters were delighted with a retelling of her latest health check up. Diagnosed with an STI, she needs to rethink her past sexual partners to let them know. We were then delighted with a recount of her past sexual partners names and how she could possibly let them know.  Chuckle worthy as it was,  I would have assumed she understood that she was on a PUBLIC train. Seeing the many commuters surrounding her would’ve been a dead giveaway.  Alas, it was proven otherwise when she proceeded to tell her phone buddy “But please, don’t tell anyone. I don’t want anyone to know.”

 

Well done, Lady. Well done.

 

Rule for Humanity: Don’t air your dirty laundry on  a Public Train. Speak in a softer voice. Utilise the messaging feature on your phone! 

If you do decide to have a private conversation, how about teaming that up with a private setting?

 

…Or don’t. I’m sure I’m not the only one who gets bored on an hour long train ride.