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The Miracle Worker

I’m a miracle worker. Did you know that? Apparently things that are basically impossible can happen. On demand. You simply have to ask.

Today,  for example, I dealt with a customer who was in dire need of one of my miracles. A school shirt she had purchased for her son wasn’t top notch quality. She returned it of course. She even got a full refund. For good measure, she also abused the Store Manager. She wanted more, though. She wanted a miracle.

She wanted the company to create the same shirt, but better quality. A refund wasn’t enough. She didn’t want a different shirt. She wanted THAT shirt but better and she wanted it NOW. Suggesting a better quality item to the manufacturer for next year simply was not an option. Sending them an email was not an option. She wanted them to call her back.

I’m the miracle worker, you see. I make the impossible possible. Unfortunately my magic is not advanced enough to banish the likes of this women onto a planet far far away.

The sense of entitlement of this women (and other members of society, at that) inspire in me a desire to make life as difficult as possible for them. I’m no miracle worker. I’m most definitely not here to give into a customers every desire. If that were the case, I’d be sitting down stitching this new shirt by hand instead of typing this blog.

Humanities sense of entitlement extends beyond customer service. Whilst participating in some circuit interval training at the gym, some lady used a machine for over 2 minutes as opposed to the required 30 seconds. Upon standing besides her, huffing and sweating away, waiting for her to finish what she should have finished a minute ago, she had the nerve to shoot me a glare.

I’m not the one in fault lady! Go to another class if you want to workout on your own terms. Better yet, invest in the machine, take it home and live happily ever after with it. Just don’t hold up my workout! 

How about people with very poor time management? Whilst this deserves a post for itself (and it will get one, trust me), I’ll briefly touch on how selfish it is for people to think their time is better than others time. I’m speaking about those people continuously late to work, to dinner, to coffee or (even worse) to a movie. They prance in with an air of indiffierence with their petty excuses expecting to be forgiven out of pity.

NO! Simply no. Your time is no more valuable than that of others. You’re no more valuable than any one else.

Selfishly entitled beings, rid yourself of your pathetic sense of entitlement and get off that ridiculous high horse of yours or else you’ll be galloping your way into people’s bad books and a life of loneliness.

Rule for Humanity: A sense of entitlement only entitles you to ridicule.

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Do NYE with Etiquette

The NYE celebrations begin this evening in Australia. As I journey to work this early morning, I’ll be bringing you my top 3 tips on celebrating NYE with Etiquette! If society has taught us anything, it’s that some can party in style – and then some can party like trash.

Tip One: Don’t be a dumb drunk.

If there’s one thing that society has shown me is that there is a difference between a smart drunk and a dumb drunk. Drink a few to be happy. Heck drink enough to get tipsy!For the sake of society though, don’t be that moron doubled over a garden/lap/road/feet purging the contents of your stomach and more!

What you expected to be a good night is now ruined or never recalled. Your friends are either equally plastered (making them just as stupid) or ruining their night looking after the idiot that thought it’s cool to down a bottle of Vodka and more. Soon you’ll be swaggering down the streets unable to decipher left from right (and hopefully) landing yourself in a cell. Quite frankly, if you’re stupid enough to become a public nuisance – you deserve that cell.

Tip Two: The end of the year does not mark the end of classy fashion.

Simple.

– Pockets should not hang lower than shorts. 
– Shorts and Skirts should not be shorter than your underwear (Gosh, please wear underwear!)
– Topless is not an option.

Come NYE the “Trashy Convention” comes along. Stupid attire and Stupid attitude. Tell me again how you’re not taken seriously? How about taking your dress and attitude seriously?

The year may have ended but society’s stock of fabrics is still flowing abundantly, allowing sexy and classy fashion.

Tip Three: Wear heels you can walk in.

This one is for you, ladies.

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Society baffles me with their eagerness to see ladies in heels. Such Attrocious devices of pain and torture! NO ONE is forced to wear heels. Yet many are adamant to wear heels knowing well that they:

– Are a pain to walk in
– Hurt your toes/heels
– Are difficult to walk in

They may have looked flash in the shop window but if you can’t walk in them, you will look like a little child learning to walk for the first time. The NYE drinking surely won’t help!

If you aren’t stumbling everywhere, you’ll be sitting down to save yourself from pain. Maybe you’ll be up dancing through the pain. Regardless – you’ve ruined your night courtesy of High Heeled shoes. All in the name of fashion.

Wear heels you can walk in or simply wear sandals or flats! It’s equally stylish and much more practical this party season.

Three simple tips society is bound to ignore. At least then I can start my year off in style – reading my Newsfeed on Facebook and watching the news to begin 2014 with a hearty chuckle at the idiots who drank till they were blind in their trashy outfits and terrible shoes.

Rule for Humanity: Enjoy your NYE celebrations and Stay Classy!

Thanks for the 2013 memories and the reminder that society needs to be straightened out! Looking forward to many more months of your blunders in 2014.